Militaria Show Jargon

Planning on attending some militaria collector shows this spring? Well, you've got to be ready lo tackle the jargon, so you know what everyone else is talking about. You know, forewarned is forearmed? Yep. That's right. Even if you're an old hand in this hobby there's lots of new slang and catch phrases out there. You don't want to seem behind the times, do you? And if you're a beginning collector, well, you could very easily be lost and confused, This jargon was collected at various militaria collector shows around the US, so you know, after you master these phrases, you'll be right in step with everyone else.

To Buy or Not To Buy

I already saw that. Translation: Saw it; passed on it 'cause it was too expensive.

I passed on it. (Tone of vote implies it is not original.) Translation; If it's too expensive for my collection, so it's too expensive for yours.

It's not sexy enough. Translation: If it's not from a combat general who personally blew up 20 enemy tanks using egg grenades, pulling the pins with his bare teeth, during the Battle for Berlin, I'm not interested.

I'm only collecting; German Paratrooper items pre-1933. Translation: I'll be saving lots of $s. This stuff's so rare, I'll never find anything, but it makes me sound like an advanced collector anyway.

I might be interested. Translation: Only if you give it away.

I might be interested, but I don't want to pay the going rate. Translation: I'm super cheap and will buy it only if you give it away.

I pay more than anybody else. Translation: I want to pay less than everybody else.

It's not like the one I had. Translation: I don't think it's real.

It's not what I thought it would be. Translation: I krow I couldn't sell it for triple your price, so I'm not buying it.

It's not the condition I like. (of an ultra rare, rarely encountered piece). Translation: I'm broke.

I'll wait till a better one comes along. (also of an ultra rare, rarely encountered piece.)Translation: I'm still broke.

I know I'll find one in my price range someday. Translation: When l do, it won't be the best condition, but I'll have to be happy with it.

I'll be back. Translation: To see if you are ready to give it away at the end of the show.

I might be back. Translation: If I don't find one cheaper, either real or not, from someone else.

Would you take less ? Translation: Even if you say ''yes,'' I still have to think about it.

I'll have to think about it. Translation: It's sure fun to pretend to be interested, even if I have no intention of buying.

I don't need to get your list because I don't buy by mail order. Translation: I'm too cheap to pay a few bucks for your list. And besides, I hardly buy anything anyway.

There's a guy in the other row selling his for less. Translation: It's comparing apples & oranges, but I'm hopeful this ploy might work.

There 's a chip / scratch / dent / nick / moth nip / hole here. Translation: it's the best one I've ever seen, but I've got to get the price down.

Appraisal Service

I'm taking offers. Translation; I want a free appraisal and I have no intention of selling.

If you make a good offer... Translation; You'll never buy it; someone will always pay 5 cents more at the next show.

Well, I had a better offer. Translation: Someone paid 5 cents more.

I already have someone who is interested. Translation; But if you'll pay more, it's yours.

I brought it for a friend... to find out what it's worth. Translation: It belongs to this guy, but he's either too clever or too ashamed to admit it.

I'm just here to find out what it's worth for a friend. Translation: It's really mine and I'm hoping for a big hit.

Selling Jargon

I don't need the money. Translation: I don't need the money, so I'll charge twice what it's worth because I'm greedy.

Well I really need the money. Translation: I really need the money so I'll charge you twice what it's worth and pretend to give you a bargain.

Well, if you want a real one.. Translation: Be prepared to pay double the going price.

The last one sold for $$$ in auction 3 years ago. Translation: I want $$$ plus inflation coverage for those last 3 years.

I'll put it in auction, I'll get a lot more. Translation: l don't know what it is or what it's worth, but I'm hopeful.

I don't know exactly what it's worth, but I want X$. Translation: Knows down-to-the-penny the value.

I'll sell you this for half what I paid. Translation: Sells everything for half, but makes it up in volume.

I just want to get my money out of it. Translation: ...and make a huge profit.

All I want is what I have in it. Translation: If you believe that, I'll tell you another one.

I'm thinning out my collection. Translation #1: Because I want to fatten up my wallet at your expence. Translation #2: Maybe I can get some sucker to buy my mistakes.

Took it off a body myself. Translation: Never even been in the military. but it sounds good and sells a lot of worthless crap.

Had it made in a Saigon tailor shop back in .69. Translation: Wife made it yesterday on her Singer sewing machine and then dipped it in some oriental tea.

Brought it back myself from the ''Big One. Translation: Made it myself while serving two years on a morals charge in the state pen.

You can trust me. Translation: I'm the biggest crook in the show and I'll screw you out of your last penny.

Authentication

I don 't know What do you think? (Asked of 30 collectors at one show.) Translation: I wouldn't know a real one if it fell on me and besides, I've already made up my mind and just want you to verify I'm right.

Sure its real. Translation #1: It's as good as my word. Translation #2: You can see, touch, feel and smell it, so it has to be "real".

Nobody believes it. but I know it's real. Translation: Worst piece of crap you have ever seen.

I don 't think I've ever seen another one like that. Translation: Kiss of death. Once words gets around, real or not, you can't give that piece away.

I don't think I have ever seen a real one. Translation: And wouldn't know it if he had.

Well, it might be real... Translation #1: I want you to pass on it. so I can buy it. Translation #2: I want you to pass on that one, so I can sell you one of mine.

Gee. I'm not sure. Translation: I want you to pass on it, so I can buy it.

Would you look at this piece and tell me what you think? Translation #1 : I'd never spend a dime with you, but I highly value your free opinion. Translation #2: I'd never pay your slightly higher price for what appears to be the same item, when I might get what could be a real one cheaper from someone else and get your free opinion as well.

Justification Jargon

It's a great investment. Translation: In 5 years. you might get your money back... if you're lucky.

I save money on books so I can buy more for my collection. Translation: It gives me more money to spend on fakes.

I need it for my collection. Translation: I'll steal it if I have to.

I guarantee it. Translation: But you don't have my real name, telephone or address, so try finding me again!

I have a double your money back guarantee you're not satisfied with the piece. Translation: But you'll never see me again.

I traded for it. Translation: That was my mistake, now it can be your mistake.

I know a guy who'll pay more. Translation: You're my last straw and I'll do anything to make sure you buy it.

Name Dropping

___________said it's real. Translation: I'm asking your opinion for conversation's sake, but what you say really doesn't matter because I believe every thing __________ tells me.

I bought it from ___________. Translation: I'm proud to have paid too much.

I sold it to ______________. Translation: I'm proud to have given it away.

___________ has one in his collection. Translation: Wouldn't own it if you paid him.

_____________ has told it belonged to ____________. Translation: Made yesterday.

______________ says it's a fake. Translation: But I want it to be real, so please tell me it is.

__________________sells them for $X's. Translation: I want to get the same amount for this piece as he does for his.

I brought it to sell to _________________. Translation: But if you'll pay more, it's yours.

I bought it for _____________ and now he doesn't have the money. Translation: Knows nothing about it and wouldn't touch it if he did.

________________ only sells fakes. Translation: has great real pieces, but I'm jealous.

________________ only has real stuff. Translation: A true believer...

Let's show it to ______________ and see what he has to say. Translation: Hey, I can show it to ______________, get an authentication and free appraisal all in one shot.

Origins

It came from the family. Translation: Every faker has a family!

It came from a vet. Translation: It came from anybody who was never in the military.

My uncle/father/ grandfather/dog brought it back. Translation: I bought it, found out it's a fake and now want to push it off on you.

I have one just like it in my collection. Translation: Mine is real, this one's fake... but they do look somewhat alike.

Anonymous. Translation: I don't care to sign my name to this....

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